Men here me speak, women please leave now. Are they all gone? Hey, hussy...yea you...get moving. Damn, sorry Ralph, looks like you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight, but that doesn't matter. Ugh, I know you don't want to sleep on the couch Ralph, who would? Just suck it up and be a man. Now what was I saying...yes...MEN HERE ME SPEAK (said in a oddly godly voice). We have been trapped to long by the confines of some hastily constructed cotton rig. It needs to stop here. Are you with me my brothers? Then shed your Fruit of The Loom asian made getup called underwear. Let your rod and berries swing unconstrained in your overly priced Tommy Hilfinger jeans. No longer will we boil our swimmers because fascist dictators telling us we must contain Buster McThunderstick and The Danglin' Gang. From this point foward we will always be "going commando". Now, some of you might be saying "But Chris, I like the support I get from wearing underwear". My answer to you is this: No you don't. You've been trained into believe that you not only need them for support but the fact that you actually like wearing them. We've been getting lied to from the moment we stopped wearing diapers and became what they called "big boys". It's sick to watch. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Now is the time for reckoning. Let's start off this revolution together...as one. On my mark remove the shakles contaning your executive staff member and his secretaries. VIVA REVOLUTION!!
On your way out don't forget to pick up your copy of my new book Letting Go Of Your Underwear: A Man's Guide To Hanging Free. It's also a book on tape for those of you who are illiterate. Oh and one last thing. Please deposit your unmentionables in the proper disposal units, thank you.