I'm having... what you would call... some problems. I'm working to hard at something I don't want and not hard enough at what I want (or at least it feels that way). Nothing seems to be happening fast enough. I'm trying to get a show on it's feet but I'm finding out it's extremely hard. A lot harder then I could have imagined. It doesn't help that I'm working full time and soon will be going back to school. The best part though, is my ex. We got back together and then broke up 6 months later. Recently I found out that she wrote a post about me and in said blog reposted three of writings. Lol, she pulled them from this very website. In fact, if you want to read them, here they are (Love, Strength, & Letting Go). Most of the post she wrote, blames me for our brake up and shows a hint that she might finally be realizing that she's the one that broke us up, and not me. I'll be the first one to tell you that when we were together the first time, it was more like 60/40 (40% being my fault). At the same time, this was my first long term relationship I'd ever been in, and frankly, I could have been better. That though does not excuse her lying and cheating. The second time together, well, I don't know what else I could have done. I really don't. I bought her a $300 diamond necklace, helped her buy a TV (which I let her put on my credit card. She still owes me over $1500, btw), gave her back rubs, was supportive, took her out to dinner, didn't argue when she couldn't call a waiter over, and anything else I could think of to do to make things right this time. I guess it wasn't enough. She says that if I had told her some of the things that I had written her after our first break up, things would have been different. She even admits that she wasn't trying all that hard to make it work the second time. Which makes me look even more the fool, since, I was trying. And that's the problem. I truly and with no doubt in my mind loved and still do, love her. I, frankly, don't think she could handle that. I do believe that she loved and still does love me but I can't keep having her throw chaos into my life. As a wise friend told me, "No offense, but what good has ever come from you talking or being with her." It's true, we had good times but at the end of the day she does nothing for me but bring me down. My life, is better with out her. I just hope this time around she actually leaves me alone like I've asked her to, cause I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Oh, and if your reading this Krystle. I never did anything on purpose to make you cry or to hurt you, but fuck me, if it doesn't seem like you were trying, and still doing, stuff to hurt me. This is why I beg of you to leave me alone, please.