A Look Back On 2003

It's that time of year again. That's right, let's take a look back on what happened this year....wait, fuck that. They do that every year. I'm going to do something different this year. I'm going to take a look back at what would have been cool to happen this year. January 2, 2003 - Chris Golde wins 7 billion dollars. President Bush declares Jan. 2 "Chris Golde Day" and a national holiday. Chris jumps up and down upon finding this out. After two full minutes of this he is hit in the back of the head with a skinned cat. His robber runs off with his 7 billion dollars and his belly button lint (I know, I know. The guys a creep but I'm just reporting this stuff, not making it up.....oh wait. I am making it up....damn I'm sick). Chris goes into a coma from the force of the blow. January 3, 2003 - Chris Golde wakes up to find out his coma was really fucking short. He felt jipt. That same day he finds out that Nurse Joy (yes that's her name. First name Nurse, last name Joy) is the most beautiful women on the plant. 2 seconds later he realizes that he's hadn't been wearing clean underwear. He curses him self for not listening to his mother. Nurse Joy hears him and say it wouldn't of mattered anyway because when he was nocked unconscious he soiled himself. Chris feels utterly embarrassed till Nurse Joy tells him that she's into that kind of stuff and that she wants him. Chris is shocked, disgusted, shocked again, intrigued, flattered, shocked once more, then oddly feels hungry which is then followed by another set of "shocked" and "disgusted". January 13, 2003 - Chris Golde meets Joe Rossi......and now for something completly different. January 20, 2003 - Canada declares war on Mexico saying "Were tired of Mexico always getting all the attention from the US. We need love too." Mexico replies "Grow up you fucker. All the world know that your the US' favorite." Febuary 6, 2003 - A guy picks up a rock, throws it into a bush and leaves. Febuary 7, 2003 - Gary Coleman is found dead in a bush with pants around his ankles. Cause of death was determint to be from a rock thrown at his head. Police suspected Willace. Febuary 12, 2003 - Police decide Willace didn't do it because they couldn't understand what he was talking about. May 26, 2003 - Nothing happened on this day, which is why I'm mentioning it. No one on the planet earth did anything.....the next day everyone went back to normal and never mentioned May 26, 2003 ever again....till just now. June 16, 2003 - Jesus came back but forgot his wallet and procede to reschedule the end of the world. Everyone on Earth was to busy watching American Idol, Survivor, and a apperiction of the Virgin Mary in a tolet to even noticed he had been on earth. September 22, 2003 - Chris relizes that he has his own day and declares that no one in the lower 48 states shall drink red wine on "Chris Golde Day" (which ofcourse is one January 2). Someone reminds him that he forgot about Hawaii and Alaska upon which Chris replies "I don't care what Hawaii and Alaska do." September 23, 2003 - Chris publicly apologizes saying "I do care what Hawaii and Alaska do but they are big boys now and can take care of themselves." A reporter askes him if he relizes that he's talking about some states not real people. On this remark Chris yells at him stating that they are real people and then procedes to run away crying. November 9, 2003 - Joe Rossi is given a second birthday and a free sunday. December 23, 2003 - This entry ends cause the writer no longer wants to write it. Ok, so maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Although I think Canada and Mexico fighting over the US' love is a funny idea.....I'm done.