I Chris Golde solemnly swear that before I die I will create an entourage of gremlins to follow me around and do my bidding. Uhhggg....I won't make them do anything bad. Damn you guys have no faith....none at all. I mean can't a guy create a legion of horrible genetically altered animals (altered to look like gremlins of course....yes they'll look like the ones from the movies) and not want to take over the world? That's what I thought. No, no he can't.....wait I mean yes, yes he can because that's what I'm going to do.
Yes that's right folks I'm going to genetically alter animals till I get the perfect looking gremlins. I'll take the eyes from cats, to get the big eye look. Ears from bats and mix it with rabbits ears to get just the right size. I'll take the skin from snakes and dogs to get the right mixture of fur and scales. Then I'll take the body of a spider monkey (minus the take) and mix it with the human skeleton to get the right stature. Then I'll make them incapable of having babies....they'll be able to do the nasty....just nothing will come of it. Who wants millions of gremlins running around? It just wouldn't be a good thing. Oh, just to clarify....I'll be taking the genetic make up of these body parts not the actual parts....that would just be gross....and messy.
Before you know it I'll have a couple hundred gremlins cooking, cleaning, driving, and really doing anything and everything I don't want to do. I can see it now......I'll be in the back of my car. There'll be one gremlin steering while two (four if the cars a stick) are at the accelerator and brake. I'll be watching the play that five thespian gremlins will be putting on in front of me. It'll a rendition of Shakespeare's Macbeth. During the intermission I'll look through the back window to see the dozen street skiers (like water skiers only on streets) going through their fifth routine. This routine is the one were they get into a triangle formation. The gremlin at the top will give his ski rope to one of the gremlins underneath him. As he straightens up he'll be hit by an over pass upon witch he'll topple to the ground, get up and start running after us. I (and the rest of the gremlins for the matter) will be laughing our asses off. I'll tell the gremlins driving to pull over so we can get the one that fell. They'll pull over and I'll get out with my gremlin cheerleaders in toe. All the while they'll be doing cheers to encourage me. You know stuff like: 2, 4, 6, 8 who do we appreciate! Chris! Chris! or Give me an G, give me an O, give me a C, give me a H, give me a R, give me a I, give me a S...what's the spell....GO CHRIS!. It'll be great. I can't wait.....I think I'll go get started by extracting some DNA from my cat.......here kitty, kitty, kitty. That's a good kitty. Now this needle won't hurt....hey come back here. Well, got to go. I got a cat to catch.