Still Thinking To Hard

I'm pretty sure almost no one I know reads my blog, so I can be pretty safe in saying what I want. Well, here it goes: I love her and I always will. I know I've talked like this before but maybe saying it more often will fade the love, like how your favorite shirt or pair of pants gets faded over the years. See, it's not just that I love her. It's that I've never met a woman that I've been this crazy about. I've always known I've wanted kids but I've never met someone that I've actually wanted to have kids with. I want her to be the mother of my children. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want us to create and be a family. I imagined seeing the world with her. Watching the sunset and then watch it rise again. But you can't have everything in this life. One of my favorite movies is 'Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind'. If you've never seen the movie then go and watch it. It's great. I saw it in the theater about six months before I met the love of my life. Basically the movies about two people who truly love each other but, to much shit gets in the way, so what do they do. They end up erasing each other from their respective minds. But they end up finding each other any way and since they don't remember anything of there lives together they end up getting back together. I didn't know it at the time but the only thing that keeps true love from flourishing is our own stupidity. The stupidity that we as human beings can't let some things go. I've been thinking a lot lately about whether or not I could be with her again. I came to the conclusion that I'm pretty sure I couldn't (what could she say that would make things different?) but at the same time I wish nothing more than to hold her next to me. I'm pretty sure I know which would win out at the end of the day.

Leave Me Alone... But Read My Blog

Does anyone know the definition of 'Leave me alone'? I'm truly thinking that more and more people around me are completely forgetting what those three little words mean. What is it about people now a days (it might have always been this way, but since I wasn't around 50, 100, or 200 years ago I can only draw upon what I know in this life time.) that they can't seem to listen to any one any more. I mean, if a cop tells someone to pull over their car. What do they do? They fucking drive faster. A guy tells you not to touch the red button and what the fuck do people do? They touch the fucking red button. I mean seriously people. Stop being stupid and start listening to what people are telling you. It just might make some else life just a little easier. End of rant.

Happy Bday to me?

Another birthday has come and gone for me. It wasn't any different then any other of my birthdays. Well, a little different. See last year I stopped talking to my birth mother (long story) and didn't hear a peep from my then ex-girlfriend, who I did and still do love with all my heart. This year, very different. This year, even after I asked her to leave me alone (another long story), she decided to tell me happy birthday in a text. Now, I am very proud of myself for not responding in anyway to said text (does this count as a response?), I also know that there's a reason behind why she wished me happy birthday (lol, I feel like an a-hole for getting upset at a birthday greeting but...), she wants to talk to me. Here's the thing. I can't talk to her. It hurts. It's the main reason I can't have any contact with her and every time she does things like this, she just hurts me even more. I don't think she's doing it to hurt me. I honestly think she wants to tell me something, I just wish she would get the courage to say what ever she needs to say to me and get it over with.

LACC

I go to school very far away from where I live. In fact, it's almost 90 miles one way. I know, it might not be the best idea but there cinema department is really great. Turns out though that the rest of the school functions like every other stupid dim witted government facility. Here's what's up. I might not be able to go to school this semester because I won't have enough gas to go to school and work. And since work pays the bills and Philosophy 1 and Cinema 33 don't, I'm going to have to choose work... every time. Well, that's of course unless I get finical aid, which I do qualify for. But here's the problem. I have to fill out a ed plan. Of course I have to do that before my ass can get any money. That's not to bad. Go to the counsellings office, get ed plan, go to finical aid and get everything squared away, right? Fuck, if it was just that easy. No, I have to make an appointment to see a counselor. No prob, I can do that. Though when I went in the counseling office, the counselors weren't seeing anyone and there was no one in the waiting area to be seen (God forbid they have to fucking do a little work.). I really did think it would be easy. I was wrong... as wrong as a blue whale fucking a donkey while said donkey is climbing mount everest. I tried to make an appointment but there wasn't any appointments available till the 29th of September. WHAT THE FUCK. I think I know now what it's like to be raped by a system that doesn't work. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. God damn..... if my thoughts could kill, then all midget ponies and super tall fucks should watch the fuck out. Uhhhggg.... On a brighter note. Genius on iTunes 8 is fan-fucking-tastic.