I’m so far from everything…everyone. I have so much in my life that’s clouding my vision. So much that I don’t even know were to start. How can I start? When will it stop? I want it to stop. Why won’t it stop? I need it to stop. I’m an extremely strong person but I don’t know how much more I can take. Between my mother with a quarter of her brain dead or dyeing, friends making foolish choices, my past coming back to haunt me, my life not going any where, having no money, no job, and only dreams for a future. I think it might be too much. Can I take it? So far I’ve been able to. Can I make my dreams a reality? There’s a little hope from some things but there only thin rays of light in the darkness of night. All I can to is walk. Run. Stumble towards them. They never seem to get closer. I feel that I’m the only one that keeps me going…mostly because I am. It would be nice if there was someone else to help me move forward. The rays of light are being clouded by my life. How do I cut a clear path to my dreams? My life. My being. When what seems to be standing in the way of them are the people that I’ve put around myself. They’ve exhausted me to my breaking point. But how do I cut off one of the ways that I cope my life? I’ve always been pretty good at balancing things out or at least I thought. All I truly know is that I can’t do anything else but make my dreams a reality. It’s all I truly know how to do. It’s the only thing I’ve ever truly been able to do.
Done
I'm done with you people. Fuck you all. I'm tired of dealing with all of your bullshit. Seeing you make the same mistakes over and over again pisses me the fuck off. It makes me sick. To think that I'm the only one in my group that has enough will power to discontinue activities that everyone knows are only going to lead to heart break, hate, disgust, and general fuck ups, is depressing. I've never wanted anything but the best for you unexceptional second-rate pathetic bastards. You'd think with all the advice I give that you might once take it...but no what do you do with it instead. You piss on it. You throw it on the ground, step on it, spit on it, curse at it. Then come to me when it all goes to hell. You tell me that I was right and that you should of listened to me. Then why the fuck didn't you. I warned you how many times that it wasn't a good idea. I gave you how many ways out of the situation. Every one of those with a minimal emotional impact to all involved. But no, you knew better. I take that back. You couldn't bring yourself to do what you knew needed to be done. You didn't have enough of a back bone to do the right thing. You couldn't bring yourself to be hurt a little right now so that others, or yourself, would be saved from further harm. Instead you wanted to cling onto something that was never there to begin with in hopes that it might come true. Guess what, the tooth fair isn't real and neither are disillusioned fantasies. Have fun making your repulsive decisions by yourself. I'm done with it.
Hey I'm Alive!
Well hello everybody. Yes I am alive, I've just haven’t been posting any new monologues because I'm planning on doing a complete rework of my web site. What will this rework include you ask? Well, I'm going to have parts of the website dedicated to were you can see me, things I’m working on, things I’ve been in, a blog, and of course a place were you will continue to see parts of my writings. Along with all this will of course be a completely different look. I hope to have all these things done soon but it will most likely be a while before there done.
Shove This Up Your Ass
Why does this world fucking such ass so much? It just blows. Why is it that when you pick a shift up at work that they constantly change it? It just fucking pisses my off. And why is it that when you go in a date that you can't fucking talk right or suddenly you have nothing to say. Why the fuck does that happen. And don't tell me the answer because I already know it, but it still pisses me off. And why is it that when you go out with a girl, afterwards they tell you that you're just not the type of person there looking for. Why don't they just tell you that they think your ugly, fat, or any number of cruel things they can say. I mean there already dumping you, so it's not like your feelings are going to get anymore hurt. I rather them just say what they really thought. I know the only real reason they let you down easy is so that they will look like a good and kind person to their friends and anyone else who might find out about the date. Heaven forbid they ever get to know someone. God that would take some fucking time and effort, which would just be to fucking hard for most women.
Midget Pony
Why do I have to put up with this shit? Every day I see the same thing. She sits on her ass all day complaining that she's sick, but when she eats, she eats like she normally does. Talks like she normal does. Acts like she normally does. And yet she still gets to go out every weekend like nothing was wrong. Like she didn't just miss a whole week of school. Every time her mother says, "this is going to be the last time this happens". But it never is. Her mother says "you can go out this weekend but if you do then you're going to go to school on Monday". Yet every time this is said she still ends up missing another week. Why do I have to put up with it? I say to my self that it'll only be a little longer till she falls flat on her face. Yet I don't see that happening. I get told that I shouldn't worry about what she does, just about what I do. That she'll get hers in the end. In the end? In the end!?! Fuck the end! I want to see it now. I want to have her ass handed to her in a wicker basket. I want to see her fail every class like she should be. But no, what do I see. Her getting A's and B's because her mother is protecting her like a bear would protect her cub. Teachers giving her the regular work on top of tons of extra credit work. So, till I move out, I get to put up with seeing this kind of shit. But, I can't wait till the day she sees that she's not as great as she once thought she was. That her high beautiful horse is really a dirty midget pony with fleas.